uah,
i promise i didn't forget you
uah... i've been kinda dead. it's been nearly a month. a month! but a lot of stuff has been happening, not much within my control, and it's honestly been making me feel like lying down on the ground and turning into a skeleton immediately (perhaps in a puff of smoke).
but i'm not dead yet, i think
a hobby i've taken up, kinda, is painting, sorta. i make these... miniature paintings? silhouettes? but my trouble is that i find it hard to find good subjects, and the medium i use for it makes it somewhat difficult to mix colours. this ends up with bright colours and stark contrast, which i do like! i just need to figure out how to fine-tune it. and find those subjects. (i like birds! i also photograph birds! but the colours limit me.)
my photography project is ongoing - i've upgraded my kit somewhat in the last month or so, and started treating them more carefully, using raws etc. it's a bit of a shame because i could get some pretty out-of-camera jpegs, but the advantages it gives me in dealing with noisier pictures and cataloguing and tagging are worth it, i think. and i never really used the out-of-camera jpeg options that much...
still don't have a place to put my photography, but i'm planning a long-term backup system again and it might end up eventually tying into that. i think i said something about this a month ago? i've started a bit, not a lot.
also, i've been thinking of getting stickers made. i might do that. i might even link them here, or show them here, or something. stickers! love 'em. they might be about birds. this section was secretly all about birds.
oh yeah, i did mention restic before, in the previous post. in a funny and totally not expected turn of events, i decided not to use restic, though. i decided to, uh, reimplement it.
no, shush, i'm not predictable, i'm not predictable, be quiet,
but i don't really have anything much going on in that department yet. i did implement a fun bit of it that i like! i need to find another fun bit to implement to carry on i think. i think good next ideas for the implementation of that would involve something like... figuring out how i want to encrypt files. ideally i want something that i know to work, for smallish chunks. i definitely don't want to invent my own system! maybe some kinda AEAD mode would be good, i'm sure something implements ChaCha20-Poly1305 or something
i'm currently working on this thing in rust, because i haven't really had a chance to do anything with rust. it's letting me look at stuff in restic and go "wow, uh, that code definitely has a bug in it (though it's harmless and will not cause the wrong results)". it's fun! that's why i was doing it i guess.
i have, humm, been reading. read all of chainsaw man! read most of a book about a therapy method i learned about from... a youtube video about gender? and uh. i guess i read words every day. they make me read words every day. i've got a book and magazine pile i should catch up with, but i just... i have trouble doing that, you know.
the book i mentioned reading above i don't want to mention because, uh, jeez. let's just say that i think the system it proposes sounds very effective for therapy but it comes with some metaphysics that really feel so underdeveloped that it skeeves me out to insist theyre the truth. if you know what i'm talking about you may agree or disagree. i may talk about this in more detail later.
and listening to music... i'm not sure there's anything to recommend here. assorted stuff, like i usually listen to, but also more full albums recently. i guess the thing here is like, i'm not sure who i feel comfortable recommending? ask me who i like i guess and i'll gush about a specific track or two.
oh, and i'm back on my fucking medication, finally. it's not a revolutionary thing or anything, but i really really don't like that i had to go so long without the ability to decide "no, really, today i would like to be able to do a thing". it's... i dunno, somewhat liberating. i do need to do things. being able to turn on do things mode is useful. thanks, medication.
i guess i should also try to seek some kind of therapy because, like, boy. i definitely need someone to figure out how many of my fucked up coping methods are in the vicinity of "healthy" and whether i have mental models of the world that map to other peoples experience. whoof. this also ties in with the whole "my current trials and tribulations make me want to turn into a skeleton". i probably shouldn't have panic attacks and feel like dying over so many mundane things.
and there's another thing, for which i need a doctor's permission
no meta today! just kisses
mwah
goodnight from bed